we have officially lost it.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
