I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
