my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
