You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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