forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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