I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
