I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
