I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
