I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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