who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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