she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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