The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
