I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
