Sry I called you an 8
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
