is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
