I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
