Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
