Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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