i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
