Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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