We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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