Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
