So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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