YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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