look no pants
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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