my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
