i would punch a child for taco bell
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
