They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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