YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
