No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
