Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
