Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
