I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
