I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
