He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
