we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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