She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He felt like a one man threesome
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Boobs speak an international language.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
