the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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