We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
