Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
