those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
