Kareoke will never be a sober sport
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
