The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
