I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
