i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
