Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
