im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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