was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
