mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
