So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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