Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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