Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
