actually, I'm a sock model
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
