Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize