Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I'm really busy with my period
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