maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have fence marks all over my body
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
