I want to walk on stilts...naked
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
