Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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