I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
