Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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