I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
