I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
