In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
