I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
