CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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