A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize