If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
