What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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