Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
