I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
