My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it's great music for shaving your balls
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
