one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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