i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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