No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The feeling are messing with the penis
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
