you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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