Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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