Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
