she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
