how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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