Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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