He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
